My friends were having a party I felt something strange was starting It was much too late to start I drank so much Jagermeister I told the coffee table that I liked her Take her in my arms We played croquet on the lawn Nobody had any clothes on Except for the motorcycle helmets And after the sun did rise It was taken by surprise I was burned out beyond belief I had to pick myself off the floor My mother was at the door Selling Watchtower magazines I couldn't believe it was true And Mom, I thought you were a Jew Why are you selling Watchtower magazines? After she came in She stepped in a bowl of Ramen Wiped it on some guy's face I must have been on God's shit list My mom was a Jehovah's Witness Had to buy subscriptions just to make her leave I had to pick myself off the floor My mother was at the door Selling Watchtower magazines Her prayers were much too frequent After all that shock treatment Now she's selling Watchtower magazines