(Ho, ho, ho...Play it Grandpa...Yeah, play it...Let's tell them a little story about what happened this Christmas.... Yeah, tell them... tell 'em 'bout Christmas) Christmas Eve, I didn't get much sleep I kept hearing things, heavy breathing from the chimney Who could it be? (I'll tell you what it was... What happened then, Ben?... Yeah, what happened?... Well, I went back to sleep... You went back to sleep? Back to sleep? Shit... Tired man, went back to sleep) And in the morning, I couldn't believe my eyes A whale of a corpe with a long white beard Was dangling over the fire oh, Santa he's a big fat fuck Went down the chimney got his fat ass stuck Oh, honey, call the lawyers fast 'Cause Mrs. Clause is gonna sue my ass hey, hey, hey (Ok grandpa, step up, sing in this thing right here, tell 'em what you saw, tell 'em what you saw grandpa) I gotta tell you folks, He wasn't wearin no clothes He musta rubbed a whole gallon of Crisco oil from his back down to his toes While I was talking to the cops outside The dog was lickin Crisco off of his thighs They hauled him away in a double-wide What a sad, sad way to die Hey, hey, hey Santa, he's a big, fat fuck went down the chimney, got his fat ass oh, honey call the lawyers fast, Mrs. Claus is gonna sue our ass