Mary Long

Mary Long is a hypocrite 
She does all the things that she tells us not to do 
Selling filth from a corner shop 
And knitting patterns to the high street queue 
She paints roses, even makes them smell good 
And then she draws titties on the khazy wall 
Drowns kittens just to get a thrill 
And writes sermons in the Sunday Chronicle 

How did you lose your virginity, Mary Long ? 
When will you lose your stupidity, Mary Long ? 

Mary told Johnny not to write such trash 
Said it was a waste of public money 
She made a fuss, they made apologies 
But everybody thought the show was funny 
When the nation knew you'd had children 
It came as such a surprise 
We really didn't know you'd had it in you 
How you did it we can only surmise 

How did you lose your virginity, Mary Long ? 
When will you lose your stupidity, Mary Long ? 

Mary Long, you're not alone 
But you're a long way behind our times 
What we do in full frontal view 
Is more honest than your clean-up mind 
What I'm saying, Mary Long is 
When you can spare a minute 
Go find your friend the porny Lord 
Dig your self a hole and jump in it 

How did you lose your virginity, Mary Long ? 
When will you lose your stupidity, Mary Long ?