September 1st, 1989 Dear diary I believe I'm a good person You know, I think that there's good in everyone, but Here we are! First day of senior year! And uh I look around at these kids that I've known all my life And I ask myself: What happened? (Freak! Slut! Burnout! Bug-eyes! Poser! Lard-ass!) We were so tiny Happy and shiny Playing tag and getting chased (Freak! Slut! Loser! Shortbus!) Singing and clapping Laughing and napping Baking cookies Eating paste (Bull-dyke! Stuck-up! Hunchback!) Then we got bigger That was the trigger Like the huns invading rome (Oh, sorry!) Welcome to my school This ain't no high school This is the thunderdome Hold your breath and count the days We're graduating soon (White trash!) College will be paradise If I'm not dead by June! But I know, I know Life can be beautiful I pray, I pray For a better way If we changed back then We could change again We can be beautiful (Ow!) Just not today Hey, are you okay? (Get away, nerd) Oh, okay (Freak! Slut! Cripple!) (Homo! Homo! Homo!) Things will get better soon as my letter Comes from Harvard, Duke, or Brown Wake from this coma, take my diploma Then I can blow this town Dream of ivy-covered walls and smoky french cafés (Watch it!) Fight the urge to strike a match and set this dump ablaze! (Ooooops) Ram sweeney Third year as linebacker and eighth year Of smacking lunch trays and being a huge dick (What did you say to me, skank?) Aah, nothing! But I know, I know (I know, I know) Life can be beautiful (beautiful) I pray, I pray (I pray, I pray) For a better way (for a better way) We were kind before (oooh) We can be kind once more (oooh) We can be beautiful (Oooh, beautiful) Agh! Hey, Martha (Hey) Martha Dunnstock My best friend since diapers (We on for movie night?) Yeah, you're on jiffy pop detail (I rented The Princess Bride) Ho-ho-ho, again? Wait, don't you have it memorized by now? (What can I say? I'm a sucker for a happy ending) Martha Dumptruck! Wide load! Kurt Kelly, quarterback He is the smartest guy on the football team Which is kind of like being the tallest dwarf (Alright!) Hey! Pick that up! Right now! (I'm sorry, are you actually talking to me?) Yes, I am I wanna know what gives you the right to pick on my friend You're a high school has-been waiting to happen A future gas station attendant (You have a zit right there) Dear diary Why (Why do they hate me?) (Why don’t I fight back?) (Why do I act like such a creep?) Why (Why won’t he date me?) (Why did I hit him?) (Why do I cry myself to sleep?) Why (Somebody hug me!) (Somebody fix me!) (Somebody save me!) (Send me a sign, God!) (Give me some hope, here!) (Something to live for!) (Ahh! Heather, Heather, and Heather!) And then there's the Heathers They float above it all (I love Heather, Heather, and Heather) (I hate Heather, Heather, and Heather) Heather McNamara Head cheerleader, her dad is loaded He sells engagement rings (I want Heather, Heather, and Heather) Heather Duke Runs the yearbook, no discernible personality But her mom did pay for implants (I need Heather, Heather) And Heather Chandler The almighty She is a mythic bitch They're solid teflon Never bothered Never harassed I would give anything to be like that (Mmm) I'd like to be their boyfriend (That would be beautiful, mmm) If I sat at their table, guys would notice me (So beautiful, oooh) I'd like them to be nicer (That would be beautiful, ooh) I'd like to kidnap a Heather and photograph her naked In an abandoned warehouse and leave her tied up for the rats Grow up, Heather, bulimia is so '87 Maybe you should see a doctor, heather Yeah, Heather, maybe I should Ah, Heather and Heather And Heather Perhaps you didn't hear the bell over all the vomiting You're late for class (Heather wasn't feeling well, we're helping her) Not without a hall pass, you're not, week's detention Um, actually, Ms. Fleming, all four of us are out on a hall pass Yearbook committee I see you're all listed Hurry up and get where you're going (This is an excellent forgery, who are you?) Uh, Veronica sawyer, I crave a boon (What boon?) Hmm, let me sit at your table, at lunch Just once, no talking necessary If people think that you guys tolerate me Then they'll leave me alone Before you answer I also do report cards Permission slips And absence notes How about prescriptions? Shut up, Heather Sorry, Heather For a greasy little nobody, you do have good bone structure And a symmetrical face If I took a meat cleaver down the center of your skull I'd have matching halves That's very important Of course, you could stand to lose a few pounds And ya know, ya know, ya know? This could be beautiful Mascara, maybe some lip gloss And we're on our way Get this girl some blush And Heather, I need your brush Let's make her beautiful Let's make her beautiful Let's make her beautiful Make her beautiful (Okay?) Okay! Out of my way, geek! (I don't want trouble) You're gonna die at 3PM! (Don't you dare touch me!) (Get away, pervert!) (What did I ever do to them?) Who could survive this? I can't escape this! I think I'm dying! Who's that with Heather? Whoa! (Heather, Heather, Heather) And someone! (Heather, Heather, Heather) And a babe! (Heather, Heather, Heather) Veronica?! (Veronica? Veronica? Veronica?) And you know, you know, you know (oooh!) Life can be beautiful (aah! Beautiful!) You hope, you dream, you pray (oooh!) And you get your way (aah!) Ask me how it feels (beautiful!) Lookin' like hell on wheels (ooohhhh!) My God, it's beautiful (aaahhh! Beautiful!) I might be beautiful (beautiful!) And when you're beautiful (aaah!) It's a beautiful frickin' day! Heather! Heather! Heather! Veronica! Heather! Heather! Heather! Veronica! Veronica! Veronica! Veronica! Veronica!