A                       E
It was late at night on Christmas eve
A                                E
I was dreaming of the soft white snow
A                                E
I was awoken by a noise near the Christmas tree
A           E     D   E   A
What it was I did not know
A                          E
It was Santa Clause he was bringing me some gifts
A                   E
Unfortunately I did not know that
A                     E
So I quietly snuck up behind him
A              E         D      E    A
And I shot him five times in the back
A           A           A
It went Pow pow pow pow pow
A           A           A
He said "what the fuck ow ow ow"
A            A          A              A
Then I shot him three more times in the head
A            A              D           E
Pieces of his brain flew out and he was dead
A                         E
That's when I noticed his blood-soaked beard
A                            E
And his red suit filled with bullet holes
A                          E
I said "oh my god I killed santa clause
A                 E       D    E         A
I'm not going to jail for this asshole"
A                      E
So I went to my shed and I got my saw
A                          E
And I started to choppipty chop chop
A                               E
I started with his arms then his legs then his head
A                 E        D      E      A
And then the torso was a really long job
A                      A
And the blood went spurt spurt spurt
A                  A         A
It was really hard work work work
A           A                A
It was hard cutting through his spine
A          A        D       E
I must have vomited sixteen times
A                E
I burnt all the pieces in my fireplace
A                                 E
The smell of burning human flesh filled my nose
A                           E
Eleven hours later there was nothing left
A           E      D      E       A
And that's when I heard my telephone
A                        E
It was Auntie Jean looking for Uncle Bob
A                         E
She said "He left the house dressed as Santa Clause
A                       E
But he didn't come home last night
A                  E     D     E     A
Have you seen him god I hope he's alright"