It's a typical day in the universe Another MC spits a puny verse I try to get through my day without saying a curse Because I curse too much and such and such (f**k) I try to improve my vocabulary I try to cut out eating meat and dairy I wanna bring back the days of the tooth fairy Cause I lost my innocence I'm young and dumb and old and wise at the same time Cause I know Jesus was a rock star And it was Elvis who turned water into wine I wanna save a kangaroo from a life in the zoo I wanna own a llama I want less drama in my life I think I really wanna be a happy house-wife I got 28 butts in the ashtray I gotta pace myself, I'm smoking like a chimney Another bottle of whiskey Has been emptied I know you wouldn't put it past me I really know how to party Reminisce about the day when I was swigging my Bacardi 28 butts in the ashtray because its just me Keeping myself company I think back all the days I was smoking carawhack It was really kinda like an addiction Non-fiction Just reading my days and nights away I used to pray to a funny little fat man Til I found out he was Santa Clause cause Saint Nick never brought shit And there I go cursing again I'm my only friend and I'm definitely my very worst enemy It kinda triggers a memory Let's bring it back to 83 when I Ate a watermelon, swallowed the seeds Suddenly there was a watermelon growing in my tummy I skipped a jump rope, every time I jumped up I heard a rattle that sounded like a tambourine I got 28 butts in the ashtray I gotta pace myself, I'm smoking like a chimney Another bottle of whiskey Has been emptied I know you wouldn't put it past me I really know how to party Reminisce about the day when I was swigging my Bacardi 28 butts in the ashtray because its just me Keeping myself company Hey Mama are you proud of me I applied for a job at MickeyD's I gotta do something with my life Because my idle time is eating me Like I'm a super-sized french fry Drenched in ketchup Frying over patch-up But I know I taste better than that Like they used to taste before they out-lawed trans-fat I got 28 butts in the ashtray I gotta pace myself, I'm smoking like a chimney Another bottle of whiskey Has been emptied I know you wouldn't put it past me I really know how to party Reminisce about the day when I was swigging my Bacardi 28 butts in the ashtray because its just me Keeping myself company