To be a dog is to sit like a log
Watching people on the run
We don't need your pity 'cause your life is shitty
We have the real fun

'cause i can lick myself, got to go
You guys have fun at the broadway show
Lick myself, i'm the star
You guys have fun at the sushi bar
Lick myself, eat my ham
You guys have fun at the poetry slam
Lick myself, suck and squirt
You guys have fun at the beck concert

They say that man is the higher species
Because of the opposable thumb
Well, man, i'll pass on playing guitar
For the way that i can come

Yes, i can lick myself, wet my cock
Have a good time watching schoolhouse rock
Lick myself, taste my dick
You guys have fun at the julia flick
Lick myself, self-fellate
You guys have fun on your double date
Lick myself, hydro-wank
Make sure you chat about hilary swank

So go ahead, man, and rule the world
And say you're the master race
You can operate complex machinery
While i sit on my own face

I simply lick myself, douse my pole
You guys have fun at the cotton bowl
Lick myself, soak my meat
Have a good time at the staff retreat
Lick myself, wash my tool
Have a good time at the cooking school
Lick myself, polish my knob
You guys have fun with your finger job

I know an old setter who is a bedwetter
He's deaf and has brittle hair
His hip is shot and he pukes a lot
But he don't fucking care

He can still lick himself, got to fly
You guys have fun renting cable guy
Lick myself, grease my rod
You guys have fun reading joyce on the quad
Tell 'em, bitch!

(female voice) oh, i couldn't!
(triumph) sing it!
(female voice) all right!

Lick myself, munch my rug
Have a good time in your volkswagen bug
Lick myself, chug my poon
Try to have fun on your honeymoon

(triumph) lick myself, bathe my balls
You guys have fun making conference calls
Lick myself, i'm my own lunch
Have a good time making pineapple punch

(female) lick myself, chew my hair
Have a good time at the lilith fair
Lick myself, tongue my tang
Have a good time at your friend's shebang

(triumph) lick myself, slurp my scope
(together) you guys have fun with your hand, and your bottle of liquid soap!