(It's so weird)

I'm getting older
I think I'm aging well
I wish someone had told me
I'd be doing this by myself
There's reasons
That I'm thankful
There's a lot I'm grateful for
But it's different
When a stranger's always waiting
At your door

Which is ironic
'Cause the strangers seem to
Want me more than anyone before
(Anyone before)
Too bad
They're usually deranged

Last week
I realized I crave pity
When I retell a story
I make everything sound worse
Can't shake the feeling
That I'm just bad at healing
And maybe that's the reason
Every sentence sounds rehearsed

Which is ironic
Because when I wasn't honest
I was still being ignored
(Lying for attention
Just to get neglection)
Now we're estranged

Things I once enjoyed
Just keep me employed now
Things I'm longing for
Someday, I'll be bored of
It's so weird
That we care so much
Until we don't

I'm getting older
I've got more on my shoulders
But I'm getting better
At admitting when I'm wrong

I'm happier than ever
At least that's my endeavor
To keep myself together
And prioritize my pleasure

'Cause to be honest
I just wish that
What I promise would depend on
What I'm given

(Not on his permission
Wasn't my decision)
To be abused

Things I once enjoyed
Just keep me employed now
Things I'm longing for
Someday, I'll be bored of
It's so weird, so weird
That we care so much
Until we don't
That we care so much
Until we don't

But next week
I hope I'm somewhere laughing
For anybody asking
I promise I'll be fine
I've had some trauma
Did things I didn't wanna
Was too afraid to tell ya
But now I think it's time