Melanie looks a lot like Stephanie
She looks a lot like Jane
Who looks a lot like Amy
Who looks a lot like Emily

Melanie, I wonder what she's telling me now
How she's twenty grand in dept
Or someone famous that she slept with
Or how everybody loves her
Or what drugs she doesn't take

I don't really know why I talk to her
I guess cause she has big fat eyes
And swallows awkward silences
So you don't even have to try
Besides she never really talks to you
She's always looking across the room
At someone who just came inside

Melanie
How the hell did she get to be
The way that she is
How could anyone ever say they really loved her
I feel sorry for her unborn kids

Melanie
Looking so heavenly
She's nature's great creation
She better be
She has no female friends
And she's not much for conversation

Melanie
Are you really as mentally as dead as you seem
I want to rip you apart at the seams
Just to know what's inside
But I'm afraid of what I'll see

I know, I know, I know, I know
She'll be in the front row at the show
She used to date someone in the band
She drinks until she can hardly stand
Some sucker holds her hand
While she throws up in the van

Melanie
How the hell did she get to be
The way that she is
How could anyone ever say they really loved her
I feel sorry for her unborn kids

Melanie
Looks a lot like Bethany
She looks a lot like Tiffany
She looks a lot like Natalie

They ought to put you away
Because you're too good-looking
They ought to put you in chains
Before you get your hooks in

They ought to smack you around
They ought to cut off your tongue
They ought to shave off your eyebrows
And send you to a nun

They ought to get you a job
'Cause you have too much fun
They ought to carve you in marble
And sell you by the ton