I've been broke like a toy machine
I've been spit back out like some Listerine
But I get up on my own two feet
'Cause I'm not some sob story

My denial is a river in Egypt
Have you seen it? It's hard to face it like the size of my penis
Jesus, I'm sick of my procrastination
Maybe I should make a podcast and try to explain it

Basically, I need some R&R before it all just falls apart
The world is tryna break my heart
But I won't let it happen to me
'Cause I'm not some sad-ass S-O-B

I've been broke like a toy machine
I've been spit back out like some Listerine
But I get up on my own two feet
'Cause I'm not some sob story

My doctor said I've got a low libido
I try to take a pill, but that shit must be a placebo
The second that I got it up
It went straight back down like a yo-yo, oh no

I'm not making this shit up to be funny
I'm here to tell you the truth hoping that you can learn from me
We all feel cheated in this game called life
I've made a lot of mistakes that I don't wanna make twice, 'cause

I've been broke like a toy machine
I've been spit back out like some Listerine
But I get up on my own two feet
'Cause I'm not some sob story

I've been tossed like a bag of trash
Life hates my guts, yeah, it kicks my ass
But I don't let shit get to me
'Cause I'm not some sob story

Da-da, da-da, da-da-da
Da-da, da-da, da-da-da-da-da
Da-da, da-da, da-da-da
'Cause I'm not some sob story

You might be asking: How can I be happy
When the whole universe keeps laughing at me?
It's pretty simple, let go of your hang ups
Life doesn't owe me a thing

Middle America taught me to suck it
Up, when I'm sad, I get up and say: Fuck it!
I don't need a list before I kick the bucket
'Cause life doesn't owe me a thing

I've been broke like a toy machine
I've been spit back out like some Listerine
But I get up on my own two feet
'Cause I'm not some sob story

I've been tossed like a bag of trash
Life hates my guts, yeah, it kicks my ass
But I don't let shit get to me
'Cause I'm not some sob story

Da-da, da-da, da-da-da
Da-da, da-da, da-da-da-da-da
Da-da, da-da, da-da-da
'Cause I'm not some sob story

Da-da, da-da, da-da-da
Da-da, da-da, da-da-da-da-da
Da-da, da-da, da-da-da
'Cause I'm not some sob story