Em
 Please, leave all overcoats, canes and top hats with the doorman.
    C
And from that moment, you'll be out of place and underdressed.
    G
I'm wrecking this evening already and loving every minute of it.
C                           B7
Ruining this banquet for the mildly inspiring and...

Em                                     D 
 Please, leave all overcoats, canes and top hats with the doorman.
    G                                  C 
And from that moment, you'll be out of place and underdressed.
    Am                                B
I'm wrecking this evening already and loving every minute of it.
C                            D 
Ruining this banquet for the mildly inspiring and...

            Em                                            Am 
When you're in black slacks with accentuating, off-white, pinstripes
      C          B7                Em 
Whoa, everything goes according to plan.

C                    B                    Em        G
I am the new cancer, never looked better, you can't stand it.
            G 
Because you say so under your breath.
                B7
You're reading lips "when did he get at all confident?"
C            B       Em            G
Haven't you heard that i'm the new cancer?
 G                  B7                       B C B C
Never looked better, and you can't stand it

Em
 Next is a trip to the, the ladies room in vain, and
 C
I bet you just can't keep up (keep up) with these fashionistas, and
G
 Tonight, tonight you are, you are a whispering campaign.
C                                  B7 
 I bet to them your name is "cheap", I bet to them you look like shit.

Em                      D
 Talk to the mirror, oh, choke back tears.
         G                      C
And keep telling yourself that "I'm a diva!"
 Am                       B                    C 
Oh and the smokes in that cigarette box on the table,
             D            C     B    B7    
They just so happen to be laced with nitroglycerin.

I am the new cancer, never looked better...
Haven't you heard that i'm the new cancer?...

(Em  D  G  C  C  B Em) 2x

Em            D        G             C  
Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer?
                    B         Em
I've never looked better, and you can't stand it     2x

        Em                       D                        G                          C
And I know, and I know, it just doesn't feel like a night out with no one sizing you up.
                         B                                  Em
I've never been so surreptitious, so of course you'll be distracted when i spike the punch. 3x