I look at you on the Peloton
That I gave you Christmas day
Those perfect legs just motoring
Keeping cellulite away
I'll never introduce you to my friends
But that's a price I have to pay
I locked you in the basement
And baby that's where you will stay

You could've been a pornstar baby
No guy with balls would disagree
You could've been a pornstar baby
Taking cumshots from Danny D
You could've been a pornstar
But you wound up with me

I see your 6 pack flex and heave
When you're throwing up your dinner
I know what it takes to make you gag
I'm convinced I picked a winner
I see their thoughts when they look at you
Pretty sure the word is spinner
Baby if there really is a God
Then I really am a sinner

You could've been a pornstar baby
You're every lowlife's fantasy
You could've been a pornstar baby
You proved to me that I'm not gay
You could've been a pornstar
But you wound up with Me

You could turn a cock loving woman gay
With that magical Va-Jay
And I'm gonna ruin it everyday
Till the thing is all stretched out and grey

You could do Victoria's Secret
If they knew that you existed
If Harvey Weinstein was still free
He wouldn't care if you resisted
If the the pope could watch you pray
I'm pretty sure that he would Jack
I've done that while you sleep at night
And dropped a load right on your back

You could've been a pornstar baby
You could be famous on the net
You coulda been a pornstar baby
Yeah you're the stretchiest girl I've met
You could've been a pornstar baby
You're every teenager's fantasy
You coulda been a pornstar
But you wound up with me
You coulda been a pornstar
But you wound up with me