Intro: (Barre) Em Dm (power chord) C G

G                       C G (Done quickly)
I used to be a dead guy
G                       C G (done quickly
Now I'm a fuckin' Jedi
Em                    D
And I've got lots of news for you
Em                  D       C
And I've got a long list of things to do
G                              C G (Done quickly)
I used to dwell on the present
G                              C G (Done quickly)
I used to be so Hesitant
Em                             D
But now I've got my whole life to live
Em                          D      Am                    
Cm (staccato)
And I've got all my love to give to all you fuckers that I hayayate
G                              C G
It's like the Gift of the Magi
G                              C G
It's like the Gift of the Magi 2!
Em                        D
You sold your soul to buy some tits
Em                        D
I sold my soul to grow a diiiiiiick
G                              C G
We've gotta get him in the van
G                  C G
What if he resists?
Em                      D
Kick him in the back of the fuckin' head
Em                      D
Put him in the back of the fuckin' Vayayayan
G                        C G
It's a miracle of science,
G                        C G
This portrayal of violence
Em                 D
It lives inside us all
Em                 D
it lives inside our hearts
Am                       Cm (staccato)
Just like a stupid fucking tape wooooorm

Play into
Who can we blame?
G                             C G
The husband divorced his wife
G                      C G
after she cut her hair
Em                       D
because she was way less fuckable
Em              D
And that's just unforgiveable
G                 C G
Moved into a condo
G                        C G
and hung out by the POOOL
Em                D
He never wore a bathing suit
Em                              D
Because he wanted scope out the talent
G                         C G
If god doesn't like ugly
G                      C G
He does't like anybody
Em             D
Fuck god anyway
Em             D
He's osbsolete
Am                Cm (staccato)
My god thinks my jokes are funny