Hair by mail
Tit jobs for teens
Go broke appearing rich
Searching for rosebud in the fire

Pop stars fingers in the fans
The therapist you wish you had
Crucifix or lubricant
Government by fad!

Mate! Spawn! And Die!
Mate! Spawn! And Die!
My, my, my, my, my…

Are those salmon upstream turning red
From shear embarassment
Came all this way up all them ladders
Without checking a map

My the farce be with you

In one corner of the ring
That cherished myth
Falling in love magically solves
Every problem you've ever had

In the other corner
Spooon size shredded dreams
The Gods must be crazy
The movie goers must be crazy

Mate! Spawn! And Die!
Mate! Spawn! And Die!
My, my, my, my, my…

Wrong worm, hooked again
Mounted on the wall in my own den
I'll talk alone to a firefly
Dial 1-900-Suk-Me-Dry

You can't throw me to the lions
I'm Charlton Heston!
You can't throw me to the lions
I'm Charlton Heston!

Mate! Spawn! And Die!
Mate! Spawn! And Die!
My, my, my, my, my…

Yippe ti-yi-yi-yo
Ho ho ho ho
Whaat do you really want for Christmas, children?

"Mmm... Nice place ya got here, darlin'
Sure wish the hot water worked
Gotta rinse my jizz off before mornin'
Or I'll itch for a week"

Rarp!
Damn! that water's cold
Agh!
Eeee!

Steven Tyler
Of all people once said
"If men bled
Would tampons be free?"

Omi'god, I gottag get goin'
"Now?"
I forgot to feed the cat